I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
this hospital has no fireball
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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