I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
Randomize
