You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
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