Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
