Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
