he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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