I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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