I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
