My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
