i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize