so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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