Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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