I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
