Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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