Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
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