Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
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