i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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