I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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