WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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