Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
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