I wish I could punch you in the face.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
