Fine. I'll sleep in my office
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
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