And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize