Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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