I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
