I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
