his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
