By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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