i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
