what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
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