His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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