it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
