The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
is wine microwaveable?
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
vagina is talking i cant
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
