No awkward lesbian experiences without me
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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