dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
