it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
