Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I just want nice things and good sex
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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