Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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