I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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