Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize