Don't make out with my wife yet
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
