I'm lost and stupid without you.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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