god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
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