worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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