if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
