totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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