On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
