I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
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