Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
