Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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