You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
