If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it ðŸ˜
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