I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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