I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
