So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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