My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
third nipple confirmed
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Come on in and take your pants off
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