he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
