i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
