Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
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