I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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