Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Randomize
