The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
