can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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