I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Randomize
