The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
