You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
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