her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Randomize
