its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
