i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
