How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
