I got chris browned last night
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
