So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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