did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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