oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Randomize
