Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
