going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
