I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
