mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
