just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
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