Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
