Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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