Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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