He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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