if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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